Monday, September 24, 2007

Something bigger than yourself




I’ve been in a mood where I need to count my blessings this last week. The congregation I serve was broken into last week AGAIN. We installed an alarm system that did its job and scared the intruders away and the sheriff’s dept. soon arrived. Even though they didn’t get anything from the building, they did break a window and kick in a door and bust out the frame, the usual stuff that jerk wads do when trying to steal things. I know God loves jerk wads too, but lest you were mistaken I’m not God and I’m having a hard time being loving and/or pastoral about the whole thing. On top of that news, I have had several conversations with parishioners and friends this week, and it seems that quite a few people I know are in the midst of personal conflicts with other people over business deals, or with family members who are spreading rumors and such in their extended families ... yuck yuck yuck.

I kinda found myself in a funk this week. There was a point after the people who broke in to the church returned a second time when the alarm was disarmed during the day and kicked in yet another door, that I was asking “what the hell am I doing here?” I was feeling as though the 7 years I had spent in this community was making no difference at all. About the time we make some headway at really helping people, or building a faith community, or being disciples in general, something like this happens and we stop helping, cause every time we do someone kicks the doors in, or the community falls apart amidst comments like “those people can’t call themselves Christian...” On top of that, the lectionary passage I had chosen to preach on this week was from Jeremiah where he is witnessing the destruction that has happened because of the Israelites unfaithfulness and is weeping for them. I really didn’t want to be the weeping prophet. In fact I wanted to be the “open the can of whoopass” prophet. (Anyone know where I can buy those cans in bulk?)

Anyway, I went for a motorcycle ride on Saturday and stopped at a boat launch and smoked my pipe and prayed for a while. I read from my little green new testament that the Gideons gave me 20 years ago at college. After a while, especially after reading how Paul would talk to his friends at the end of his letters and say things like “ I give thanks for you everyday,” or “Say hi to so and so, I remember them fondly” My mood changed a bit.

I realized that although there is so much screwed up in the world, and quite frankly there is so much screwed up in our own hearts, It is important for me to be part of something bigger than just me. Even though people do terrible things to one another working for good in the midst of a community is always worth it. I started to remember moments in my time with this congregation and faces and friends. I recalled staying up late with my friend Mick repairing/rebuilding a “frankenstien sound system” as we called it, after a previous break in tore speakers from the walls and and ripped out sound boards, so that 70 kids could have a vacation bible school the following day. I remembered the friends we have made at a Winter over flow shelter, who were at one of the lowest points in their lives, and now have things put back together and worship with us every week and we celebrate what God is doing in their lives and love them. I remembered people who shouted “we will!” when my daughter was baptized here and one of my best friends asked the congregation "will you surround this child here before you with a community of love and forgiveness, and be examples to her, that she may walk that road that leads to life?”

Even in the frustrating times, it's always better to be part of the grander, bigger, grace-filled work of God’s kingdom. Otherwise your just stuck with the stuff you create and it's never as good, and it wears out fast.

Have a great week friends.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Mark,
I just wanted to say that you sound like a really great pastor. A lot of pastors have a hard time admitting that they are "not God" or even that they are "having a hard time being loving and/or pastoral."

I appreciate the candor and honesty in your writing.

One of the really cool things about the sem program I am in is that the program requires full time students to also work part time in a church. The school actually helps churches give students "payed internships" so they can get experience and an opportunity to mentor under a pastor with some experience.

Anyway, I have had a hard time finding the right church and the right pastor to mentor under. I have been struggling with whether or not to take a position that has been offered to me that just didn't feel right. Something just clicked tonight when I reading your post. One of the things I have been asking myself as I have been doing interviews is: Is this a church I would want my first child (due in two months) to be baptized in? I got up to the part in your post about your daughter's baptism and and it kind of hit me: I am waiting to find a place where I can be mentored by a pastor like this.

Anyway, if I am ever in Seattle or if you are ever in West Michigan, I would love to get a bear sometime.

Blessings,
Wayne Bowerman