Asbestos Home

Hi friends,

It's Friday morning and I am exhausted. I have had one of those stretches where I am on the road a lot doing conference work and other things. I've been writing sermons in hotel rooms and behind the wheel of my car as I travel up and down I-5. (I’m a much better preacher in my car than behind a pulpit... Plus my sermons are often interrupted with music intermissions, this week it was Mat Kearney and the Police.. the band not the highway patrol...mostly)

Anyway, I have been working through my list of ten things I have learned or am learning in this life and call to ministry. You can see my list here. #8 on my list was “if you're involved in “ministry” don’t let it destroy your family”. I am friends with several adult children of pastors, I have many friends who are spouses of pastors. I have a few friends who are ex-spouses of pastors. There are few careers that are like being in "professional" ministry. Unless you are in a very unique situation, or have sold your soul to the prince of darkness to be on TBN, you typically work long hours with little pay. But we pastors are a noble bunch, we justify the hard work because we are doing “God’s work” so we pour our energy and life into projects and other people, we proclaim life and joy when secretly many of us are having a hard time talking ourselves into that same life and joy.

There are some people who love us in the midst of this joyful/depressing journey... our families. If you are as lucky as I am, you have a spouse who is as called to be a minister of God’s Gospel of life through Jesus Christ as mine is. Our bishop may have put his hands on my head at a service of ordination and said “Take though the authority...” but my wife is every bit as ordained of God to deliver this message as I am. She has been my partner in this journey and I am a better pastor, a better disciple, a better dad, quite frankly a better man because of her. (Plus she is beautiful, not “pastor’s wife beautiful” but “songs of solomon hot”!)Yet she is also the one who gets the short end of my frustrations with the church in all its facets. She is the one who sees me at my worst and in times when I am on monster.com looking for jobs at radio stations and newspapers again. If you are lucky enough to have a spouse an awesome as mine, you would be pressing the envelope to have two kids as smart and above average as mine. I have missed significant days in their lives because of trustees meetings, or Ad Council meetings or other “church stuff” (Which by the way, is not the same as “God stuff” in case you were wondering). That mostly came to an end when one evening I came home from a meeting about a half hour after my kid’s bed time. I went in to daughter's room and she was out like a light, so I let her sleep. I went into my son’s room and he was still awake. I went in and sat on the side of his bed and checked in with him about his day and told him I loved him. I got up to head out and he says these words that are still smoking on my heart, “Dad, when you were a little boy, I wish you hadn’t decided to be a pastor”. Needless to say, some things in my life changed the next day. Now I help coach my son’s sports teams, and make sure I’m at events and just plain home more often. My daughter is in ballet and I am cutting a meeting short... or I should say I am leaving early, they can keep meeting if they like... to head home from Seattle back to Portland/Vancouver to watch my daughters practice (parents only get to come and watch a couple of them)

As I think about the 3 people who I would call mentors for me as a pastor, two of them had ministry destroy their marriages (one of which amid rumors of sexual misconduct). I had the experience I hope none of you have, of helping to officiate the funeral of a friend and colleague in ministry, who jumped from a bridge. I have sat across pizza shop tables and barstools with friends as they said “I need out” when talking about the ministries and churches they serve. I have always admired the theology and practical nature of John Wesley’s ministry and example, but I have to say that for those of us who call ourselves Methodist, he gives us a dangerous, unhealthy and backass example of what it means to be a minister. (Geesh! did that guy ever have a remotely healthy relationship with a woman?)

As important as this call to ministry is. As important as transforming the world through God’s Holy Spirit working in us is, if it isolates us from our spouses and our children rather than reconcile us to them and heal relationships, I think we are are doing something wrong. John Wesley once said "I set myself on FIRE, they come to watch me burn" There is something wonderful about a passion that burns like a flame, but it can also consume and destroy things of great value if we are not careful. Make your home out of asbestos and protect your family.

Have a great week friends